Q:What advice would you give to a masculine presenting queer who is dating a femme who has been the victim of toxic masculinity in the queer community?
here’s some tough love that i give to all the baby butches:
your partner is not a victim of toxic masculinity, your partner is a victim of real tangible shitty people who used their masculinity in a bad way. don’t assign a nebulous concept to the actual human beings who did actual shitty stuff, it won’t help either of you to think of it that way. toxic masculinity is a conscious practice, it does not possess unknowing butches and cause them to do things outside of their control. it’s not a excuse for terrible behavior but it gets used like that way too often
be better than what is expected of you but don’t be better to prove a point. carry the bad experiences of your partner as a reminder of what you are capable of at all times, do not think of yourself as completely different than the shitheads who came before. we all have the same gun in our belts, there is no built-in safety, it is up to each of us to decide what we do with this gun. treat your partner like gold because you see them as gold, not because you want others to see you treating your partner like gold
and just in case this concept ever tickles your brain: you don’t need to fix the supposed wrongs that have been done to the femme in your life, i’m sure they can handle it all by themselves. you can’t fix the wrongs anyway because what you are is what put the wrongs there. don’t set out to be the balm to their masculine-inflicted wounds, i guarantee you that they don’t want to be seen as a person in need of healing. they got this, trust me
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Shaun King revealing more cover ups by the St. Louis Police Department.
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